The Hills Have Eyes (2006) Review

Spoiler-free so you can read before you watch

The Hills Have Eyes (2006) Review

Horrorific content by Yo Adrian on July 19th, 2020 | Movie Review | Survival, Road Trip, Mutant, Cannibalism, Desolate, Gore

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It's about a family on a road trip who take the wrong turn into the wrong abandoned nuclear testing site.

The Hills Have Eyes was directed by Alexandre Aja (who also directed Mirrors, High TensionCrawl and Horns) and stars Aaron Stanford (from Clinical), Kathleen Quinlan (from Event Horizon and Strays) and Vinessa Shaw (from Family Blood and Hocus Pocus).

The lucky ones die first.

This Hills Have Eyes is a reboot of Wes Craven's original from 1977. It was actually only his third ever movie. His debut film was The Last House on the Left from '72. His second movie was a crazy sibling incest priest porno called The Fireworks Woman which he says he made just to finance Hills Have Eyes. Sure, Wes. Moving on, his seventh movie was by far his most famous, A Nightmare on Elm Street. This gem was his first venture away from rape and incest. In Wes' defense, shock really sold back then. Exploitation flicks in the 70's were like explicit rap albums in the 80's, they flew off the shelves.

The original Hills Have Eyes also gave the legendary horror icon Dee Wallace her second ever starring role, following her debut in The Stepford Wives. She went on to star in countless horror movies including Cujo, The Howling and Critters. This reboot stars Ted Levine, the same dude who played Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs, only this time instead of a cross dressing serial killer he plays Big Bob, the almighty patriarch of the doomed family. 1977 Big Bob was played by Russ Grieve, some TV actor who wasn't nearly as intense as 2006 Big Bob.

Alright, horror trivia aside, the original honestly sucked.

This reboot is waaaaay better, in every single way. So, the thing that kicks off this entire story is a car crash that happens in the middle of nowhere, which strands this poor family and leaves them victim to mutant cannibals. In the original the crash is caused by a cute little bunny rabbit. The dad for some bizarre reason sends the family car barrelling off the road to avoid hitting a rabbit. Good job dad. In this reboot, the dad didn't have a fighting chance in hell. The cannibal mutants hid a spike strip under the dirt road which they triggered right as the family was enjoying their drive, blowing all tires and sending them flying directly into a boulder. Much more realistic, much more entertaining.

I rank this reboot as one of the top horror reboots of all time, right up there with Evil Dead, Dawn of the Dead and The Fly. It's super bloody, packs loads of suspense, has likable characters, a story that pulls you in and has some truly memorable kills. Director Alexandre Aja really nailed this one.

In Defense of Doug

So, there is one thing I didn't like about Hills Have Eyes and that's how it portrays Doug. Doug is Big Bob's son in law, a yuppie type who is clearly out of his element out in the desert. He's an entrepreneur, takes care of his wife and baby, ventures far out of his comfort zone for his family and stands up for them when shit hits the fan. All of the traits that make a strong man. But, this movie makes him out to be some kind of a pansy, a sniveling nerd. But the guy never backs down from his responsibilities. It's the Hollywood guy stereotype thing.

Same thing with Train to Busan. The dad is made out to be the bad guy because he couldn't be home 24/7 with his daughter AND work full-time AND pay alimony and child support. The dude loves his kid, looks forward to seeing her and pays the bills. But he's a disappointment because he has to work and accidentally buys her TWO Nintendo Wii's. Real hard knock life there kid.

All I'm saying is if Doug were a Deborah she'd be a hero from the start, she wouldn't have to fight off mutants or zombies just to earn the respect of her family.

What do you think about this Chris Rock?

Worth Watching?

Yes. Without a doubt. One of the greatest horror remakes of all time.

The Hills Have Eyes Review (2006) Worth Watching? - ALL HORROR Tweet it

The Fireworks Woman: The Porno that Financed The Hills Have Eyes

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