Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) Review

Spoiler-free so you can read before you watch

Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) Review

Horrorific content by adrian on October 16th, 2019 | Movie Review | Slasher, Texas Chainsaw massacre series, Survival, Cannibalism, Serial Killer, Maniac

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It's about a group of friends who travel to rural Texas to claim a willed mansion, and the chainsaw wielding maniac in the cellar.

Texas Chainsaw 3D was directed by John Luessenhop and stars Alexandra Daddario (from We Summon The Darkness), Bill Moseley (from 3 From Hell, Cynthia) and Marilyn Burns (from Butcher Boys, Eaten Alive).

Evil wears many faces.

Texas Chainsaw 3D REview

Texas Chainsaw is one of 3 sequels in this franchise, although it's the only direct sequel to the original. The movie actually starts off with a full recap of the original from 1974, seamlessly merging into what happened after Sally got away from Leatherface in the back of that old pickup truck. As soon as the truck passes, the camera picks up the police, and a local lynch mob, descending onto the Sawyer house looking for both justice and revenge.

This seamless blending of old and new was the coolest start to any movie in this franchise, hands down. But unfortunately, it was the only cool part of this movie. Everything after the first 15 minutes was some of the hardest to watch trash I've ever seen. It's the most cliche, empty, poorly written, poorly cast, poorly acted horror movies floating around. This easily ranks among the worst movies I've ever seen, down there with Between the Trees and Robert the Doll .

If it weren't for the recap of the original and a few obvious references to the series it wouldn't look like a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie at all. Gone is the grungy gritty sun soaked atmosphere. Gone are the manic family members. Gone are the dilapidated dangerous settings. This Texas Chainsaw is bright, colorful, everything is clean and posh, everyone is clean and sexy. WTF? Even the house where grandma Sawyer lived in, the one our protagonist inherits, the one that still has Leatherface locked in the cellar of, is beautiful and posh. It looks like the house of a plantation owner or a governor.

As for Leatherface, I don't know what the thinking was behind this, but he doesn't even look like Leatherface. He has a mask, but it's not clearly a face, and his clothes are clean and colorful. WTF?

This is a generic teen scream start to finish. It has little semblance to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. I think its only purpose is to be left running in the background at a slumber party.

Worth Watching?

Gawd no. Save yourself 90 minutes of frustration and slowly back away from this one. It's the worst movie in the franchise, without a doubt. Hell, it might even be the worst horror movie from 2013.

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