The Lords of Salem (2012)

The Lords of Salem is Rob Zombie's 6th movie, after his remake of Halloween 2 and before 31. It's also his only movie that doesn't feature the same cast of degenerates or his trademark gritty style. It's also viewed by many, myself included, as his least awesome movie. 

Lords of Salem kicks off with a flashback to Salem, Massachusetts in 1696 where a coven of real actual witches are performing a satanic ritual around a bonfire. And when I say actual witches I don't mean pointed black hats and broomsticks. I mean dirty, occult, naked witches hell bent on desecrating everything holy and cursing future generations of the people of Salem with misery and grief. Basically, it starts off strong!

So the meat of the movie is about a group of wacky radio DJ's led by Heidi, played by Sherri Moon Zombie. One day Heidi gets a mysterious package delivered to her, a wooden box with an old record in it by a band named The Lords. The record plays some super dark tunes that puts Heidi into a weird trance. Later she plays it over the radio waves which seems to put a bunch of random women around town into the same trance. Shortly afterward a lot of crazy supernatural shit starts to happen and all that dirty witchcraft from 1696 starts to bleed into Heidi's day to day.

Lords isn't at all like other Rob Zombie movies. There's no white trash degenerates, no blood, no gore, no real insanity. Sherri Moon is barely sexualized and there's no classic rock soundtrack. It's more of a slow burn about witchcraft, curses and family trees.