Jason Statue To Be Evicted From Lake

Before anybody panics, no no wait don’t form a mob yet! Put the pitchforks down!

Lemme explain: The original Jason statue is in a lake in the cool state, Minnesota. At the bottom of a popular lake for divers, in Crosby, Minnesota, lies the original Jason Vorhees statue in tribute to the Friday the 13th franchise. The locals there love it, and it’s still safe and sound.

We’re talking about the other Jason Vorhees statue in a lake, in the boring, anti-fun, spoilsport state of Arizona, where somebody had to go and be a copycat. So they dumped another Jason statue in Lake Pleasant, Arizona, and now park rangers there want it gone.

Fans want a big #SaveJason campaign out there, but honestly, one Jason statue is enough. The cool people in the cool state, Minnesota, thought of it first. We can’t have a Jason in every lake. We’d eventually have a Jason in every swimming pool, then every birdbath, and eventually they’d be selling waterproof Jasons at Dollar General with everybody saying how tacky they are now that they’re mainstream.

Do you want that? Would Jason want that? I mean, strange slashers lying in ponds distributing machetes is no basis for a system of government!

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